Just when I thought I had seen it al,l Abercrombie and Fitch comes out with the Push Up Bikini for seven year olds. Shut the Front Door! . I can't even grasp what "they" were thinking when they introduced this line. Walking through the aisles at most major department stores/big box stores, I'm shocked enough with what they are expecting my girls to wear in public, but this takes the cake. Do we want eight year old hooters girls?
Where are the mothers in outrage? I hear a few of them now, but did it really take a bikini from A&F to get us started. Have you seen the underwear aisle at Target? Have you looked at the length of the skirts at Justice? Have you walked in a Walgreen and seen the makeup directly marketed at tween girls? Why does it take something this outside the box to get us all fussed up about the over sexulation of our girls. It's been happening for years. Now the powers that be have just decided to go after even younger girls.
As the mother of two girls, I'm outraged. Not at A&F, but at myself and million of mothers who have allowed it to get this far out of hand. We've sat by and allowed stores, marketers, and designers to turn our sweet little girls into little pussy cat dolls. We've let our girls think that outside beauty is the most coveted treasure. We've prostituted their virtue and inward beauty for the latest craze. To be part of the "in crowd," we've told them it's OK to wear clothing that shows off your best assets! Baloney!
As the mother of fourteen year old son, I'm embarrassed for what his eyes have to witness every day when he walks in his junior high hallway. If I wasn't convinced that sending him to an all boys high school was already a great idea, I'm even more sure now. I know that I can't shelter him from temptation and I'm not looking for girls who wear petticoats and long dresses with bonnets, but come on people.
Two great friends of mine, who are mother of boys now in college, once told me that they wished they could have rung the necks of mother's of girls and told them to watch what they allowed their daughters to wear to school, dances, dance recitals, and cheer leading. They told me they've told their sons what they expect as far as boundaries and respect for girls, but please don't shove the "sexual" side of women in their face and expect them not to notice.
I'm not an expert on this topic, but I am a mother of two girls and a boy and I realize that something needs to be done, someone needs to stand up and say ENOUGH! We've given the Devil too much power over fashion and our bodies. He's winning the battle for our children's minds. The world is telling them that it's OK to dress sexy, to flaunt what your mother gave you, and to do whatever feels right.
Let's say no. Here are two articles on this same subject from women with more eloquence and and wisdom than me: Vicki Courtney and Katerine Jean Lopez of the National Review.
If you are interested in hearing Vicki Courtney, her You and Your Girl Simulcast is happening on Saturday April 9th at locations all over the country. My church is hosting a simulcast event so if you'd like to come to this free event let me know and I'll hook you up with the details.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
What Next? It's Not an End, It's Just another Chapter.
I love school supplies. I love fresh new notebooks and sharpened pencils. In the years after college graduation, I always looked longingly at the Target Back to school ads. I wished that I had a need for a new trapper keeper.
That is until I became the mother of a school aged student.
School supplies and Back to School ads take on a whole new meaning as a mother. It's a sign that you are ushering in a new year. Who really thinks of January as the beginning of the year? All of my calendars start in September.
This is one of those milestones years. Miss M will head to the middle school and Miss A will head off to kindergarten. We are ushering in a whole new lifestyle around these part in which all the children go off to school all day.
In many ways, I've been thinking about this day all summer, the day that I drop A off at the elementary school and walk out alone and go home to an empty house. I've had countless people ask me what I plan to do with myself now. What will I do to fill up all the time? Have I thought about getting a job?
It's as if they are asking me what will I do with myself now that I am no longer needed. No more fixing lunches for little ones, no rushing to the grocery store while the preschooler is in school, no more arranging play dates around nap time, and no going to the park in the morning while the big kids are in school and the playground is quiet.
The implication is that my job is done. I've finished parenting my children and now it's the teachers' job to fill in the gaps and shape them into the adults society wants them to be. It's as if I'm turning them over to someone else and I'm not really needed except to drive car pool and help pack lunches.
I think in many ways my job is even more important now. Being available for my children while they are in the elementary and junior high years is critical. These are the years they will remember forever. The time in their lives in which their character, values, morals and beliefs about who they are are formed, modified, and molded. Being there for them on sick days, hanging out on day's off, countering the culture they are exposed to each day with Godly wisdom.
A few years ago my son was the target of a bully on the bus. I didn't know about it, he kept it to himself. It was subtle and he was trying to be strong. Whenever we talked about school and friends, he said everything was fine, no problems. The day before Christmas Break, I was sitting in the family room working on some last minute Christmas presents. The school bus dropped Mr. C off at the bottom of the hill and he walked through the front door and I could just tell something was not right. By God's provision, I had made homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies that day and had them ready in the kitchen for C's arrival.
I put aside my project, sat down, and asked again for the 100th time that school year; "How was your day?" This time, the response was different. The waterworks opened and he told me the whole story of the bullying on the bus.
Had I not been there? Had I not asked all the previous days before how his day was and waited for his answer each time, I might not have gotten the response I did that December afternoon.
All the previous days and the years before had allowed C and I to have that moment when I could look into his eyes and "know" something was off.
I'm so glad I'd made the investment in time. So glad that I had often put aside what I wanted to do for me to be there.
That's why on Monday when I come home alone, I'll be OK. I know deep down that this is not an end to my parenting job, but it's just another curve in the road. A change of direction.
Sure I'll be getting a lot more "projects" done during the day, I'll be able to volunteer my time, I'll go back to BSF and not worry about preschool pick up or have to arrange childcare for lunches with girlfriends. Without a doubt, I'll be available from 2:40 p.m. everyday. Those "bewitching" hours after school and before dinner and activities will be precious time to reconnect, redirect and focus on my kids.
I'll have tons of time during the day to do things for me and others, that time will be just for them!!
That is until I became the mother of a school aged student.
School supplies and Back to School ads take on a whole new meaning as a mother. It's a sign that you are ushering in a new year. Who really thinks of January as the beginning of the year? All of my calendars start in September.
This is one of those milestones years. Miss M will head to the middle school and Miss A will head off to kindergarten. We are ushering in a whole new lifestyle around these part in which all the children go off to school all day.
In many ways, I've been thinking about this day all summer, the day that I drop A off at the elementary school and walk out alone and go home to an empty house. I've had countless people ask me what I plan to do with myself now. What will I do to fill up all the time? Have I thought about getting a job?
It's as if they are asking me what will I do with myself now that I am no longer needed. No more fixing lunches for little ones, no rushing to the grocery store while the preschooler is in school, no more arranging play dates around nap time, and no going to the park in the morning while the big kids are in school and the playground is quiet.
The implication is that my job is done. I've finished parenting my children and now it's the teachers' job to fill in the gaps and shape them into the adults society wants them to be. It's as if I'm turning them over to someone else and I'm not really needed except to drive car pool and help pack lunches.
I think in many ways my job is even more important now. Being available for my children while they are in the elementary and junior high years is critical. These are the years they will remember forever. The time in their lives in which their character, values, morals and beliefs about who they are are formed, modified, and molded. Being there for them on sick days, hanging out on day's off, countering the culture they are exposed to each day with Godly wisdom.
A few years ago my son was the target of a bully on the bus. I didn't know about it, he kept it to himself. It was subtle and he was trying to be strong. Whenever we talked about school and friends, he said everything was fine, no problems. The day before Christmas Break, I was sitting in the family room working on some last minute Christmas presents. The school bus dropped Mr. C off at the bottom of the hill and he walked through the front door and I could just tell something was not right. By God's provision, I had made homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies that day and had them ready in the kitchen for C's arrival.
I put aside my project, sat down, and asked again for the 100th time that school year; "How was your day?" This time, the response was different. The waterworks opened and he told me the whole story of the bullying on the bus.
Had I not been there? Had I not asked all the previous days before how his day was and waited for his answer each time, I might not have gotten the response I did that December afternoon.
All the previous days and the years before had allowed C and I to have that moment when I could look into his eyes and "know" something was off.
I'm so glad I'd made the investment in time. So glad that I had often put aside what I wanted to do for me to be there.
That's why on Monday when I come home alone, I'll be OK. I know deep down that this is not an end to my parenting job, but it's just another curve in the road. A change of direction.
Sure I'll be getting a lot more "projects" done during the day, I'll be able to volunteer my time, I'll go back to BSF and not worry about preschool pick up or have to arrange childcare for lunches with girlfriends. Without a doubt, I'll be available from 2:40 p.m. everyday. Those "bewitching" hours after school and before dinner and activities will be precious time to reconnect, redirect and focus on my kids.
I'll have tons of time during the day to do things for me and others, that time will be just for them!!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Empty Seat
The whole family tried the Final Backpack on ... Mr.C looks the best with it on his back. .
There has been an empty seat in the car this week as we've driven to VBS and our errands about town. Mr. C who normally occupies the front passenger seat has been away at Boy Scout Leadership Training camp all week.
I'm really missing my buddy.
Mr. C in the official Class A uniform with the Pahuk Pride Hat, Windshirt, Water Bottle and Guide. It's funny that the seat empty in the car has bothered me so much. It's only been in the last year that he's been tall enough and weighed enough "not" to deactivate the air bag system. He loves sitting in the front seat. Until this week, I didn't realize that I love it too.
C and all his gear for the week, walking away to join the group.When Mr. C is not in the car, I use that seat as my credenza. It holds my purse, phone, notes, schedule, a book to read, etc. In essence, it's my office on wheels. I've often sighed deeply when Mr. C wants to sit there and my stuff is piled high. I've asked him why not just sit in the middle row with Miss A. We have a mini van so it's not like we are out of seats.
.
But, I'm realizing what a special time that is when Mr. C in the navigator's seat. We talk. He talks. We laugh. I learn a lot about what is going on in his life and head. To have that open communication with a 13 year old boy I realize is precious. It's a treasure.
.
Sure I'm giving up "my space", I loose my office on wheels and the flexibility to have everything I need at arms reach. The payoff however is so much greater.
.
As a mother, I often need to sacrifice "me" and my comforts for the greater good. Too often, I grumble in my heart about having to give up so much for my children. I resent that I have to be the one to do all the work or give up my plans to accommodate their needs and schedules.
As a mother, I often need to sacrifice "me" and my comforts for the greater good. Too often, I grumble in my heart about having to give up so much for my children. I resent that I have to be the one to do all the work or give up my plans to accommodate their needs and schedules.
.
Having an empty seat in the van this week has given me a new perspective on those sacrifices. I've seen that by giving up just a little of my self and moving "my things" around to accommodate others allows me great blessings. Blessings like having a son who brings much joy and happiness to our lives. In whom we have great hope and in great pride for who he is on the inside and out.
.
Just remind me of that on Saturday when he brings home a load full of dirty smelly and "wet" clothes and I spend hours with the washing machine on "Sanitary" Cycle! I might need another reminder next week when my pile on the passenger seat is stacked and I pick Mr. C up from the golf course and he pushes those things aside to sit there and tell me all about his game.
Just remind me of that on Saturday when he brings home a load full of dirty smelly and "wet" clothes and I spend hours with the washing machine on "Sanitary" Cycle! I might need another reminder next week when my pile on the passenger seat is stacked and I pick Mr. C up from the golf course and he pushes those things aside to sit there and tell me all about his game.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Stop Changing the Parenting Handbook: I Can't Keep Up
After 10 plus years of service I'm retiring my Ear Thermometer today in exchange for the new Temporal Artery Thermometer that our pediatrician recommended yesterday. You just swipe it over their heads and, instantaneously, you have the most accurate temp.
M had been sick the past three days with a sore throat and low grade temp. She was isolated from the family and spent countless hours in her room watching the new Nancy Drew movie over and over again. Even though she had other shows to watch, she loves to re-watch her favorites. When she was really sick at two and half, we watched the new Freaky Friday movie no less than 17 times! I can do the lines. Trust Me!
Back to reality.
We went to visit the doctor to rule out the dreaded H1N1 and found out she had a virus. The big news was that I've been taking the temperature of ear wax instead of body temp for years. I guess the ear thermometer is inaccurate and not consistent. That is why one ear is not the same temp as the other; it has more ear wax.
Sad thing is that I know this same doctor's office 10 plus years ago took the temp of my tiny babies by ear and recommended I do the same. Now the rules have changed. I don't remember getting an updated version of my "Parenting Handbook." Did you?
When C was born almost 13 years ago, babies slept on their sides. We even had the fancy Baby Propping Pillow to keep him on his side. By the time A came along seven years later, it was back sleeping and tummy time during the day.
This parenting business changes too fast. I can't keep up. Not only do I have to worry about electronic overload, fruits and veggies, and washing behind the ears; but now I have to wonder if the other tricks up my parenting sleeves are out of date in addition to the Ear Thermometer.
You won't however ever convince me that watching Disney Movies and sipping on 7Up when you are sick are out of date. While I prefer the original version of the classic movies, I do let the "new fangeled " version of the show in too. Guess that makes me modern and up to date!!
M had been sick the past three days with a sore throat and low grade temp. She was isolated from the family and spent countless hours in her room watching the new Nancy Drew movie over and over again. Even though she had other shows to watch, she loves to re-watch her favorites. When she was really sick at two and half, we watched the new Freaky Friday movie no less than 17 times! I can do the lines. Trust Me!
Back to reality.
We went to visit the doctor to rule out the dreaded H1N1 and found out she had a virus. The big news was that I've been taking the temperature of ear wax instead of body temp for years. I guess the ear thermometer is inaccurate and not consistent. That is why one ear is not the same temp as the other; it has more ear wax.
Sad thing is that I know this same doctor's office 10 plus years ago took the temp of my tiny babies by ear and recommended I do the same. Now the rules have changed. I don't remember getting an updated version of my "Parenting Handbook." Did you?
When C was born almost 13 years ago, babies slept on their sides. We even had the fancy Baby Propping Pillow to keep him on his side. By the time A came along seven years later, it was back sleeping and tummy time during the day.
This parenting business changes too fast. I can't keep up. Not only do I have to worry about electronic overload, fruits and veggies, and washing behind the ears; but now I have to wonder if the other tricks up my parenting sleeves are out of date in addition to the Ear Thermometer.
You won't however ever convince me that watching Disney Movies and sipping on 7Up when you are sick are out of date. While I prefer the original version of the classic movies, I do let the "new fangeled " version of the show in too. Guess that makes me modern and up to date!!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thirteen Years
December 18, 1995 is a day I will always remember. The feelings are no longer so raw or painful, but I can in my mind go right back to the weekend leading up to that Monday morning. The frantic phone call to the doctor on Friday night, the fear and gripping realization that the baby we had prayed for, longed for and waited for was not going to make it inside my body any longer.
I was 10 weeks into my first ever pregnancy. We were so excited. We had been to the doctor just 10 days before and had talked about this baby of ours. We'd told friends that we were finally expecting. Our families had been told at Thanksgiving. We knew nothing but joy.
Friday December 15th was a normal day at the office for me, but right after lunch things changed. I started spotting. The other ladies in the office said, not too worry that this was normal. The Doctor said to go home, rest and get off my feet. By Friday night, we were sacred. It was getting worse, not better. We called on doctor and interrupted her dinner out, we wanted to go to the ER and see what was happening. She gave us wonderful advice. Sit tight, don't go. Let's give this baby every chance to make it. If we went she said, they would probably just hasten up the process. It was a long weekend. We had big plans for Christmas shopping a few parties and just overall excitement. Instead we cried, hugged and I rested. I think God was preparing our hearts for Monday morning and the ultrasound that would tell us that our baby had died sometime in the previous two weeks.
Monday December 18th, we went to the Doctor. I remember the waiting room, the ultrasound tech trying to give us some hope, but the look on her face said it all. No heartbeat. My mother and husband's looks of sadness and despair. The doctors' tears for us. The trusting hand on my shoulder saying these things happen and you did nothing wrong. I'm so sorry.
Seeing two other doctors in the hallway who were family friends. Their looks of sadness when they realized the news we'd just received. I was scheduled for a D & C the next morning at the hospital. By 4 p.m. in the afternoon that was no longer necessary. I miscarried the baby at my parents home. The Sac was complete. A Small Tiny Little Creation from God. A Real Baby was inside. Those feet you see that represent pro-life. I saw them there.
We buried the baby at a family's acreage outside of town. Between three trees. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit we thought. Watching over our loss, our dreams our hopes.
We went through the motions of Christmas that year. Sad, brokenhearted and crying. We saw people who wished us well, not knowing the turn of events. It was devastating.
It would not be until the weekend that our baby was due to come that summer that we would find out we were pregnant again. With tears, hopes and lots of prayers, we would bring that baby home healthy and loved in March of 1997.
Tomorrow I'll share the lessons. blessings and gifts that this expereience has given to us as a family.
I was 10 weeks into my first ever pregnancy. We were so excited. We had been to the doctor just 10 days before and had talked about this baby of ours. We'd told friends that we were finally expecting. Our families had been told at Thanksgiving. We knew nothing but joy.
Friday December 15th was a normal day at the office for me, but right after lunch things changed. I started spotting. The other ladies in the office said, not too worry that this was normal. The Doctor said to go home, rest and get off my feet. By Friday night, we were sacred. It was getting worse, not better. We called on doctor and interrupted her dinner out, we wanted to go to the ER and see what was happening. She gave us wonderful advice. Sit tight, don't go. Let's give this baby every chance to make it. If we went she said, they would probably just hasten up the process. It was a long weekend. We had big plans for Christmas shopping a few parties and just overall excitement. Instead we cried, hugged and I rested. I think God was preparing our hearts for Monday morning and the ultrasound that would tell us that our baby had died sometime in the previous two weeks.
Monday December 18th, we went to the Doctor. I remember the waiting room, the ultrasound tech trying to give us some hope, but the look on her face said it all. No heartbeat. My mother and husband's looks of sadness and despair. The doctors' tears for us. The trusting hand on my shoulder saying these things happen and you did nothing wrong. I'm so sorry.
Seeing two other doctors in the hallway who were family friends. Their looks of sadness when they realized the news we'd just received. I was scheduled for a D & C the next morning at the hospital. By 4 p.m. in the afternoon that was no longer necessary. I miscarried the baby at my parents home. The Sac was complete. A Small Tiny Little Creation from God. A Real Baby was inside. Those feet you see that represent pro-life. I saw them there.
We buried the baby at a family's acreage outside of town. Between three trees. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit we thought. Watching over our loss, our dreams our hopes.
We went through the motions of Christmas that year. Sad, brokenhearted and crying. We saw people who wished us well, not knowing the turn of events. It was devastating.
It would not be until the weekend that our baby was due to come that summer that we would find out we were pregnant again. With tears, hopes and lots of prayers, we would bring that baby home healthy and loved in March of 1997.
Tomorrow I'll share the lessons. blessings and gifts that this expereience has given to us as a family.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day and Parenting
I have a pit in my stomach. I hate Election Day. I love to go to the voting booth and get my "I voted today sticker", exercising my civic duty . I will proudly tell anyone who I voted for and why, but I can't stand the tension of the day. ( John McCain)
Working on campaigns in the past, Election Day is kind of a let down day. It's all over, your work is done and now you have rely on that work to pay off.
Sure you can go to polling booths and hold signs, you can stand on cold street corners and pray for drivers to honk approval at your yard sign and you can even make a few last minute phone calls to supporters to see if they need rides to the poll. But you can't go cast their ballots ( at least it use to be that way!) and you can't personally vote more than once ( that vote early vote often phrase use to be a joke-not so much anymore).
You have to wait until 8 p.m. for the first votes to come in to judge how well your candidate has done. To see how far ahead or behind they are in the race to the finish.
Just wait. Trust your gut and have faith.
It's a lot like parenting.
Election Day is kinda like College Drop Off Day. It's like First Day of Kindergarten. It's the first day of Junion High. You've put in the hard work, you've given it your all. Your candidate is the best you've ever seen, you have full faith and confidence in them, now it's all up to them. Will they perform the way you know they can, will others have the same faith and confidence in them? Will they be the golden boy or girl you know they can be?
Trusting the electorate, trusting your gut, trusting your God to fill in the gap. It's tough.
I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights. I'm worried about the future of our country.
I know the sun will rise again tomorrow. I know God is still on the throne. My flesh is nervous but my soul is content.
As I journey through new stages of parenting I struggle just the same. I have sleepless nights, I over think and analyze. I have to trust God to be there, to with my "candidate-child" to help them make it to the finish line.
I have to trust they have all the ability, knowledge and inner core values to make the right decisions, take the right paths and make the right choices.
My candidate might not win the election today. My country might take a direction I didn't choose tomorrow. But you know what, I'll still be proud of my country. I'll still defend, protect and serve my country whenever I'm called.
For now I'm called to my homefront; to my family, community and church.
If my children take a wrong turn somewhere along the way, I'll still be here for them to love them, serve them and protect them. If it doesn't all go according to plan for them I'll still be standing beside them. That's my duty.
Working on campaigns in the past, Election Day is kind of a let down day. It's all over, your work is done and now you have rely on that work to pay off.
Sure you can go to polling booths and hold signs, you can stand on cold street corners and pray for drivers to honk approval at your yard sign and you can even make a few last minute phone calls to supporters to see if they need rides to the poll. But you can't go cast their ballots ( at least it use to be that way!) and you can't personally vote more than once ( that vote early vote often phrase use to be a joke-not so much anymore).
You have to wait until 8 p.m. for the first votes to come in to judge how well your candidate has done. To see how far ahead or behind they are in the race to the finish.
Just wait. Trust your gut and have faith.
It's a lot like parenting.
Election Day is kinda like College Drop Off Day. It's like First Day of Kindergarten. It's the first day of Junion High. You've put in the hard work, you've given it your all. Your candidate is the best you've ever seen, you have full faith and confidence in them, now it's all up to them. Will they perform the way you know they can, will others have the same faith and confidence in them? Will they be the golden boy or girl you know they can be?
Trusting the electorate, trusting your gut, trusting your God to fill in the gap. It's tough.
I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights. I'm worried about the future of our country.
I know the sun will rise again tomorrow. I know God is still on the throne. My flesh is nervous but my soul is content.
As I journey through new stages of parenting I struggle just the same. I have sleepless nights, I over think and analyze. I have to trust God to be there, to with my "candidate-child" to help them make it to the finish line.
I have to trust they have all the ability, knowledge and inner core values to make the right decisions, take the right paths and make the right choices.
My candidate might not win the election today. My country might take a direction I didn't choose tomorrow. But you know what, I'll still be proud of my country. I'll still defend, protect and serve my country whenever I'm called.
For now I'm called to my homefront; to my family, community and church.
If my children take a wrong turn somewhere along the way, I'll still be here for them to love them, serve them and protect them. If it doesn't all go according to plan for them I'll still be standing beside them. That's my duty.
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